She wants a tattoo, my middle one, my 16-year old daughter. Her idea is that we will get them, together, on our ankles. Simple, tasteful, reflective of our personal spiritual journey. I don't know if I want a tattoo. I've never put much thought into the idea.
My daughter, she has already picked her design - more than once - and she is ready, she thinks, and she likes speedy answers, spontaneous action. This is new for her, waiting, practicing patience with my need to reflect, explore, consider, find my answer at the bottom of the pool.
My quick answer is a simple "Nope. Not 'til you're 18." I could give her this answer, but I don't want to, because maybe, just maybe, she has a good idea. Maybe it would be good for us to do this tattoo thing together, to share this experience, to take this risk and live with the results, together, starting now, when she still needs my permission and I have to wrestle with what it means to give it, or not.
Yesterday, I brought her diary which I hadn't opened in three months with me to write in while I waited for her at an appointment. I wrote to her about the question, the possibility, and although I didn't find the answer in the entry, I found more questions and more comfort with the idea, so when she brought the tattoo question up later in the day I told her I was definitely considering the idea - and the diary entry was proof which she could appreciate. I will share this little excerpt with you:
To Perri, August 5, 2008
And now, ever since Saturday in Vermont. . . you are trying to seduce me into getting a tattoo with you; on our ankles. You want a religious symbol, a symbol of Mary.
I have no idea what kind of tattoo I want because I don't want one, I only want to consider it because you want us to do it together and I don't know if you really want us to do it together because you want to do it together, or because this is the way you think you can convince me to let you do what you want to do???!!
This entry, even though it leaves the tattoo question unanswered, filled the last pages of this diary. Perhaps it will be answered in the new one - blank white lined pages waiting to be filled.
~ Kelly
Well, yes mom. That question is a good one and I find myself needing to look deeply into my own motives for the answer. When are motives ever absolutely pure? That’s a terrible guilt to live with but the truth. It would not be the truth if I said, "Yes! I only want to get a Tattoo with you! -And if it’s not with you then I don't want one!" The idea of getting a tattoo is exciting for me of course! However, I do not want a tattoo that means nothing. I don't want one of those cartoon character tattoos that I have to live with for the rest of my life. So maybe the fact that I want a tattoo comes first? But I certainly love the idea of us getting one together as a symbol of our growing relationship under the protection of Mother Mary because I can’t think of anything else that would mean as much to me. Not a symbol of a bad mistake I made when I was drunk! I love the idea of getting a tattoo together as well as the idea of getting one with Aunt Joe and Mae in honor of Grammy. So, to rap up... I can’t say that my desire for a tattoo is purely one way or the other. I want a tattoo because it’s an exciting way for me to grow up, but I don’t want one unless it means something very important to me; somthing that I won't get bored with like the wall color in my bedroom!
Hope I made sense,
Love Perri.
Posted by: Perri DuMar | August 27, 2008 at 01:08 PM