Diary Door

Re-Imagining the Empty Nest

For some of us baby boomer mothers the image of an empty nest when our children leave home for college or career projects a period of longed for freedom and independence for ourselves.  Others of us enivision a desolate, emptied out home and heart - leaving us with the dreadful sense that the most fulfilling and satisfying years of our lives are over. 

I've imagined both scenarios at various stages of my kids' development.  But, the balance of my feelings falls more on the sense of dread.  Most days, I love having a house full of kids, and most days I'm certain that no future period of my life will surpass the satisfaction of raising my children.  Is that why I keep diaries for my children? As an insurance policy against future loss - padding for the empty nest?

So, when I came across this article recently about the

Open Nest in the Wall Street Journal.  I  was grateful for a fresh cultural metaphor with it's more hopeful spin. 

"In a new twist in U.S. family life, the open nest is replacing the empty nest.

More young adults are returning home to live with their parents in their 20s, and — this is the twist —a surprising number of parents are content about it."

I'm grateful to author Sue Shellenbarger for naming the phenomenon taking place in my own home.  My son, who spent his first college year away living in a dorm, just completed his sophomore year commuting from home and seems to be settled quite comfortably for the long haul in his basement pad on his king size bed. 

My middle child, my daughter, just returned home to finish high school from two years away at boarding school.  Having tasted independence and dorm life, she imagines commuting to college from home as well from her queen size bed with private bath. 

That was a quiet year - when the two older children left my youngest home with us alone in our rapidly emptying nest. I realize now that I had nothing to fear.  The nest was established.  It was built to last with room for change, and so comfortable, that even if they leave from time to time, they will return.  My open nest will never be empty.

After Woodstock

To Franci (Age 11), July 1, 2008

You greet me in the driveway as I finish my bike ride this morning, waving a paper wildly in your hand.

"Are you done?" 

"Yes!  Why?"

"I have something to show you!"

I park my bike in the garage, meet you on the deck.  We sit, and you read me what you have written.  Inspired by our big family trip Saturday to visit the newly opened Woodstock Museum at Bethel Woods, you have sat down at the computer and spontaneously composed the following story. 

The peace love and joy will stay alive!

By Franci  

You are walking for 1 hour. As far as you have gone is one mile. Tired. It is August 16, 1969. Where is your destination? Woodstock!  In upstate New York, Peace, love, and joy will be happening for a weekend.

Why?

To get you're soul free.  As Joni Mitchell's Woodstock song said. 

Legend has it that Joni Mitchell very much wanted to go to Woodstock with her friends, Crosby, Stills and Nash. Sadly, her manager told her she could not go because she was going to do an interview on the Dick Cavett show. The manager did not know if she would get back on time.

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